Date: 2018-03-08 03:16
When people work Step Four, they begin to realize that in order to stay clean and sober, they need to handle all their feelings--the good, the bad, and the ugly ones--in a healthy and safe way rather than covering them up with mood-altering chemicals or addictive behaviors. Many PIRs who have numbed their feelings for so long start to actually feel again. Others might become ready to face past traumas such as sexual, physical, or emotional abuse, and they might realize they need professional help to deal with painful and upsetting memories. If you sense (or know) this is the case with your PIR, it s good to give them some space and lots of tender support and encouragement, remembering that you can t be their therapist, but you can be their friend.
OP and others on this thread There are recovering alcoholics and addicts around you every day- at work and at play- you just don't know it. You sound a bit like homophobes describing gay men and lesbians with authority.
I would never not date a girl because she doesn't eat Lobster, I mean as absurd as that is! why do you not eat Lobster, ohhh you have an allergy and could potentially die? Well that’s logical. I cant have you dieing- because you are a beautiful, intelligent, sweetheart.
This is all understandable it is one hell of a mask to have to wear to live 79/7 in a disguise because all your life you've been told what you are or who you are is bad, evil even.
Sadly, after my beloved bro-in-law died of alcoholism at 99, my sister took up with a guy in recovery who is much reviled. She likes that he is active. He was a trainer marathon-iron-man-something athletic. They travelled around the country, and to Africa. But the dark side - he's a truly sick man. Other than Sis, he is disliked or worse by everyone who meets him. We sometimes toss around psychiatric terms carelessly, but then you meet someone who really is sick, and you realize what these term mean:
If you like someone, and they seem sane, don't let Recovery be a deal breaker, unless you have men falling all over themselves to be in your presence. You're NEVER going to find "flawless".
I've been in a position that sounds very similar to I have also been a drug addict. Both realities are hell. Both people are victims. And both are perpetrators. There is no black and white.
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Alcoholism is a disease. Any alcoholic whether in AA or not is mentally ill. If you had a choice would you date someone who is mentally ill.
The fact of the matter is this: I am happy, joyous, and most importantly free- because I am an alcoholic (step it back to me being the only one capable of this identification). I am not here to say that if you don't respect that then I will not give you the time of day (that’s given). I just hope I can give more people the time of day---I encourage those who have read this far to hold your own values, morals, hopes and dreams close.. don't change them to fit a socially acceptable definition of the person who just came out to you as an alcoholic in recovery.